Mother of 2 With Type 1 Diabetes / our crazy world

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

PUMPING saline

Yes tonight at 4:30 Tay did her first site. It went very smooth. The pump trainer was so impressed with Tay. I let them do what they needed to do , just putting a few questions in here and there. It was great , Tay will be starting with insulin on tuesday :) i'll keep ya posted .

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

pump came

it came at 11:20, delivered by fed ex. WE slowly opened the package. And there it was ......... can ya hear the angels singing.......... blue paradigm pump. She wore the pump on her all day saturday and then sunday i made her connect the tubing and the site( no needle) to her to see how well it sticks to her skin and how it was going to do with her swimming . she likes it so far which is a good thing lol. Now for the training, tomorrow in the evening is when we start. Thank goodness lets get thsi over with please. next post will be about the start of training. woooooohooooooo here we go.

Friday, May 26, 2006

So many things to think of

Today i was talking to Ellen,Spread your wings, fly, soar, explore and enjoy the world. , about the many things that need to be thought of before sending your new pumper to school. Tay has already picked out her pump pouch, PUMPWEAR INC - Pumpwear Inc.: Fun, creative cases & accessories to hold & carr . I let her pick it out and didn't even put my 2 cents in, i want her to be excited. But that is the least of my worries. Sending her to school with this cute little pouch around her waist and having some stupid person yell at her for have a cell phone, game boy, ect ect is going to piss me off. So i came up with this idea to have her have a business card in her pump pouch that says some thing like this " This is not cellphone, gameboy, ect, ect. This an INSULIN PUMP, i need this to live. If you have an questions please walk with me to the nurses office. " Easy to carry and gives her a way out of fighting/arguing with an adult. We have all heard stories of kids that had their pumps taken away by some ignorant person that wouldn't listen to a child becuase they were a kid. This is a great idea and she will have a business card in her cute pouch at all times. Thats just 1 of a million worries that may be helped by a little planning and creativity.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

whhhhhhhhoa , night horseys

Ok yesterday Tay got aproved for the pump, happy excited,scared all of the above.
Well last night i go to JDRF awards dinner ( we hit 113,000$ total) i got my little bronze award. wooohoooo. Tay ran around and noticed all the other kids with pumps for the first time. IT was a good night.
It WAS, until i tryed to go to bed. I feel asleep so quickly and so hard. But it wasn't to last all of my dreams last night were of me and Tay be attacked or falling or getting seperated. First dream was easy enough to get over and go back to sleep, some guy, very wierd crazy guy, just came into my 1 bedroom apartment , where just tay and i were( wonder were Adam and hubby were lol), and he wasn't really attacking me. He came in waving his arms and ran into the wall and then try to go after tay, then i screamed and choked him, probally to death, i don't know becuase i woke up. That was Dream 1.

Dream 2
Tay and i were at the wherehouse, looked kinda like a construction and a mechanics shop. My hubby was in this one and he was standing on the side of the open whole in the second story floor. I went over to him and he moved outta the way , not meaning to,and tay and i fell. Well of course i turned so that i would hit the ground and Tay wouldn't. I saw us slowly falling and hubby watching , he was scared, from the second floor. Then i woke up. Piss at him for not catching us .... don't ya hate those dreams lol ....ya know its not their fault but your still mad when ya wake up.

Dream 3
Tay and i at the beach( ya know i just love the beach, NOT). The beach was pretty full, lots of people. We were out in the water as a school of clown fish come around, actually very pretty dream so far. Tay goes to catch some clownfish as she does this huge wave comes and i can't find her. I am frantic and then i hear "wakey wakey eggs and bakey" coming from Tay wakin us up becuase we slept in . lol I think this a contiuation of a dream i had last week that had to do with Tay and the water but Adam was in last weeks dream.
I never remember my dream or should say hardly ever, last night was very odd. and i usually don't dream in color but the beach dreams are in color, the clownfish were pretty and the shark in last one was so real i could have touched it.

Last weeks Dream was of Adam and Tay and I. Adam was in the background having a good time. We were at a beach but it had like a board walk that was like a wave pool. It was a wave pool in the ocean.Tay and i were holding hands and jumping thru these waves, they kept getting bigger and bigger, which wasn't a problem(tay had a life vest on). As the waves got bigger the sharks came in. Have ya ever see the movies or disney movies that have a wall of water and you can see the fish swimming thru it like your watching from a window. Thats how i saw these sharks and the other people didn't. I saw this shark not to far away and i didn't want anyone to panic so i just waved adam outta the water and tryed to get tay and i out. As i am dragging Tay out i see this shark come from below us, i see the whole thing, the face the teeth the fins the tail and it just circles alittle, but the people also see it too and the panic starts. Thank goodnes tay had the vest on becuase i told her to stay calm, she wasn't going to get pushed under. Then the shark comes straight for us, i see Tays legs danggling and the sharks mouth open, she didn't see this, so i just rolled her over the sharks head, like her legs just went right over his head and he came at me. I side step at the last minute becuase we were getting into shallow water andhe went off and no one got hurt. Do ya think i am going to the beach anytime soon........NO FREAKIN WAY.
I have no idea what this dream means at all. The other dreams I know what they are about. They are about tay and the pump and something new and unknown but exciting. And about me feeling like this is all on me, if it fails it is my fault or is something happens it is my fault, or me protecting her.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


GUESSSSSSSSS who got aproved for the pump. Tay did!!!!!!!! yeah!!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

just another day in the nieghbor hood

Today is first day home since quitting work. I feel bored already lol. But i had a wonderful weekend i went to Ellen's house for Z's graduation party. This was my second time meeting Ellen. I drove down to her house , quite a drive for me since i never leave my little area. Z was great he took time out from his party to talk to my son about the pump and so him how cool the pump is. THANKS AGAIN! Also Ellen's friend Megan was down for Z's party too. She talked to Tay about the pump and all the cool things at the CWD Conference. It was a very good day! I am very happy that i went down there.

I just talk the pump rep to make sure all was in line. Hopefully it will work out.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Today is may 17th and i may never forget this day

Ok the week from hell is over. Hubbys grandfather passed away on may 10th. My oldest Turned 13, holy shit i feel old, on may 12th. Viewings and burials and b-day party, have feill this last few days. I went to work today to quit. I really did like the idea of this job, but it wasn't what it was made out to be.So today and for the next few days i am cleaning up my office and getting all the stuff sent out. Friday i will be done with this.

The only saving grace today was the fact that my wonderful , kind , caring, lovable, smart , ectect , case nurse talk to the kids endo. HE said "YES" to moving up the pump start and dates and i am so happy i think i may cry soon. I have to get him the blood sugars for the last month and then he will put the order in and i will probally have the pump on my next endo appointment on june 21st. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

ya know i never know what to title stuff

I have been researching this pump thing, wow is my head a spinning. Its not that i don't understand it but that its over load. Both of the kids want pump, well not really want them but they DON"T want Lantus.So i am trying to learn everything i can right now. I don't want the Dr to say "no". I don't want him to think that they aren't good enough for the pump.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

i am getting jumpy part 2

Shortly after i wrote that post. My home phone rings as i am trying to get into the shower. Hubby on phone" your duaghter is 39 and the school is trying to get ahold of you" ME" ok bye". Grab glucagon outta frig just in case, run to truck, hop in truck, forgot regular syringe, hop outta truck run into house, find syringes( a whole bag) run to truck , go 40 in a residential nieghbor hood, 2 minutes latter at school, run to nurses office as the vice princepal watches with worry. Grape juice had brought it up to 42, mini- dose of glucagon,9 units just in case.As i shake and my heart pounds, i think it was from being watched. The nurse then asks if i am alright, looking worried about me. Take her home and feed her some food ( rice crispy and cup a noodle soup) now she is 149.

Hubby just called" i am tired of the shit"...... WEll DUH so am i. I am just happy i was home today and not working or it would have been much worse. 30 minutes away and ugggh i just hate the thought.

i want a pump, i want 2 pumps, i want them noooooowwwwwwwwwww! I know that it won't solve all the problems( i am not asking for world peace, or a cure for cancer and aids, just a better way) but it will be better than what is going on now.

I want an opaloupaaaaaaaaa , i want it noooow daddy.

I am getting jumpy

I have been reading these blogs about getting the pump. WELLLLLLLLL where are my 2, i want it now. I want it for the summer, i want it before school starts. I want it , i want it nooooooooowwwww. I want an oopaluopaaaaaa, daddy.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Welcome MAY

Thank goodness that April is over. Now we just have 1 more month of school, Adams b-day is coming up, wow I am going to have an official "teenager" on my hands. I have a few things that I have to do this month but nothing as busy as I was in April. Maybe I can relax a little this month.

On the Diabetes monster , the kids are doing ok. Tay keeps getting this weird funky low thing that goes on in the morning. She wakes up at a decent number but then drops rapidly for some reason. Then it comes back up, sometimes not for an hour sometimes right away. I keep trying to figure it out , thinking that its some gastro-intestinal thingy. Atleast I am hoping that's what it is.

I really hate this disease. I hate the worry that comes with it. I hate the watching every thing that my kids do or don't do. I hate the constant obcessing i do. I hate that they have to worry or that when they feel bad i still have to get them to go to school. I hate that it interfers with how i can parent my kids. I hate it. I hate that i do everything i can and still sometimes its not enough. I hate that i feel i have to make them "normal" just to prove to people that they are. I hate that only people with this know what the hell i am talking about. I hate that there isn't more i can do. I hate that its a struggle every day just to feed( the right way) my kids and that i get the looks from strangers. I hate that i get festrated with this. I hate that they get festrated. I hate that thier lifes revolve around this stupid thing that has infected our lives. I hate that i have to worry about medical insurance now and forever. I hate that sometimes i want to give up. I hate that some days i do give up. I hate that some days i have to start all over. I hate that some times they don't understand why i am so mad. I hate that i have to be mad. I hate that i don't get more support.

Now that i have ranted and raved, i thinki can move on for now. I thinki really need to get some stuff straight and in order but its so overwhelming some times.

Well behaved women rarely make history!